handjob tips. give me some.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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