I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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