Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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