having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
