Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
