Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
