Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
