I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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