My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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