I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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