Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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