Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
