If i come over, it means nothing
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
