Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize