Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize