Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
dude. I can hear the air.
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