remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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