he puts the penis in happiness.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
