Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
