It's Friday. Sex?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My vagina is officially offended.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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