Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
