ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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