Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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