Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
