i just google imaged poop.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
