oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
