VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
