Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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