I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Even my vagina gasped.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
