Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
