Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
