no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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