I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
