Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
