The best revenge is premature balding
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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