Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
