someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
