You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
