well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you will always have a special place in my vag
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
