Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
