I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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