Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
babies were throwing up all over the place
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
