Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
