i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
