Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
