You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
