Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
