dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I will pee on everything he values.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
