I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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