I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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