There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
