Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
