I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
