"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
