I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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