Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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