chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
