I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my being single is dangerous.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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