So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
