Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
