so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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