so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So. Much. Porn.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
