i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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