I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
