i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I love having hate sex.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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